is your mom at the bar?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
