Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
