apparently the secret to your success is patron
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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