We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just forgot I was standing up.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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