when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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