You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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