Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
