I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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