I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
