He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
