I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
