Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
