I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
