He is such a slut. More and more my type.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
