Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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