I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
