girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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