I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
