sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
