dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
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