and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
