this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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