Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
