I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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