carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
areolas are like halos for boobs.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
