HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
