Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
