dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
