So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
