I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
