he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
