I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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