Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
