I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Who did Billy Mays play for?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
