Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
