in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
