I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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