P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
