You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
