just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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