he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
