weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
