even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
