sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
