You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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