never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
