We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
