You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
