i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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