just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
