my mouth tastes like poor choices
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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