I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
