my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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